Breaking News?

How do I keep up with the news without losing my mind?



That was my question today as I tried without much success to understand what is actually happening in Syria and what the political debates in the US are about beyond the insults, slander and dragging up old ghosts.
And it led me to start thinking about the whole system of news and media that we have found ourselves navigating without a lot of guidance.

Let me start with a disclaimer: I believe it is of huge importance to have an up to date understanding of significant world events happening in our nation and around the world. As a human, I cannot separate my existence from things such as civil war, climate change and poverty. And as a christian, I don't think I am walking in the way of love if I am unaware or apathetic about the suffering of people around the world. All this to say that I am in no way suggesting people shouldn't try to stay up to date with global news. Rather, I am questioning the nature, delivery and receiving of media.

When I get to work in the morning and open my internet browser, the system is set so that a news website is the homepage and before I even have a chance to start doing some work, I have to either ignore or navigate a dozen headlines all claiming to be 'Breaking News' that is worthy of being read Right Now.
I'm not concerned about having a news website as my homepage, there is definitely worse things that could come up. But what I am concerned about is that on this particular site, all the headlines get the same priority and significance. The brutal, incessant and accelerating civil war in Syria was given the same space and priority as "12 child celebrities you would never believe look so good as adults". There are certain things that I simply should not know about. For example, I have never met Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, we're certainly not friends and I should not be able to read their divorce file. But I can.
In the words of Rob Bell, celebrity media is a "multi billion dollar industry designed to recreate the high school experience". There are cool kids and popular groups and bullies and all of the craziness that we're supposedly leaving behind at graduation but I'm still, in my mid twenties, trying to avoid it.

The other aspect of news that I'm struggling with right now is the timing (or lack thereof) and rhythm of it all.
In the natural world, everything has a rhythm, a cycle, a pattern to it. The seasons are predictably beautiful every year, the water gets from alpine springs to ocean to sky in the same way again and again. Birds, bison and bull sharks migrate in the same direction every year, and even our human bodies have sleep cycles, menstrual cycles and digestive cycles. I cannot think of a single natural system that does not operate in a rhythmic way of being. My conclusion from this is that there must be some wisdom in it. It works.

News on the other hand, no longer has any rhythm or cycle or predictable pattern to it. Gone are the days of the morning paper and evening news, now there is breaking news every 15 minutes, you can know about Taylor Swifts breakup before her boyfriend does and it just NEVER STOPS.
Which is fine if you don't access it, but now push notifications mean that I can go for a run along the harbor at sunset and not miss out on the drunken antics of the All Blacks after their latest game.

There is so much coming in, all the time. It's complicated, unrelated, loud and for the most part entirely irrelevant to our lives and what we consider to be important. There is no rhythm, rest or pattern. Is it any wonder that we have ever increasing rates of anxiety, attention deficit disorders and stress related illnesses?

This post doesn't even touch on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and similar social tools, but the same principles apply for all of those and it's effects are magnified, the more points of access into this world someone has.

The overall message of this is hopeful, because even though there is endless noise and chaos you can access at any time (not even the toilet is safe from this stuff anymore)... You don't have to let it in.
You are the curator of your own mind. You choose what comes into your brain and you choose what is important, relevant and significant for the kind of life you want to lead.
If you would rather not have your family time interrupted by the breaking news that Auckland got ten minutes of hail, that's up to you.

Friends, be aware of what is coming into your mind. There is limited capacity for concentration, ideas, creativity and connection... Use it on the things that are important to you.

Relationships 101: Welcome to the School of the Top 40

Relationship 101: School of the Top 40

Recently I have been doing some work with a community youth support service and met some incredible young people who are charging into adulthood where they will take their place as the parents, teachers, counsellors and leaders of the next generation.

But something I’ve noticed is how much these young people listen to music… all day every day they are listening to, singing out loud, reading and absorbing the lyrics in the popular singles that are topping the charts.

As youth navigating in an adult world, they are learning how to relate to other people, how to communicate needs and desires, how to treat a woman and what it looks like to be in a relationship… And for many of these kids, none of the adults in their personal life are having these conversations with them. So naturally, they will learn these skills from the other adults in their world who are willing to share their wisdom… namely, Rihanna, Drake, Ariana Grande and Pink.

Based on a brief scan of the current Top 40, here’s some of the lyrics that are a part of shaping the relational understanding of our youth.

Warning: Some of this content is disturbing, racist and violent

 

“I torture you
Take my hand through the flames
I torture you
I'm a slave to your games
I'm just a sucker for pain
I wanna chain you up
I wanna tie you down
I'm just a sucker for pain”

 

“She from Africa but she fucks me like she Haitian
Ass black, but them eyes looking Asian
I gave her the can in Kansas
I got it on tape, she on candid camera
OKC I forgot we met in Oklahoma
I use to smoke Regina, she from Arizona
Then I met a girl in Cali I never disowned her
She got that high grade
Her weave come with diplomas, I want her”

“I don't need eyes to see
I felt you touchin' me
High like amphetamine
Maybe you're just a dream
That's what it means to crush
Now that I'm wakin' up
I still feel the blow
But at least now I know

It wasn't love, it wasn't love
It was a perfect illusion
Mistaken for love, it wasn't love
It was a perfect illusion”

“We go fast with the game we play
Who knows why it's gotta be this way?
We say nothing more than we need
I say "your place" when we leave”

“I go on and on
Can't understand how I last so long
I must have the superpowers
Last 223 thousand hours
It's cause I'm off of CC
And I'm off the Hennessy
And like your boy from Compton said
You know this dick ain't free!
I got girls that I shoulda made pay for it
Got girls that I shoulda made wait for it
Got girls that'll cancel a flight back home
Stay another day for it”

“I'm talkin' to ya
See you standing over there with your body
Feeling like I wanna rock with your body
And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin'
I'm comin' at ya
'Cause I know you got a bad reputation
Doesn't matter, 'cause you give me temptation
And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin'”

 

“Something don't feel right
Because it ain't right
Especially comin' up after midnight
I smell your secret, and I'm not too perfect
To ever feel this worthless
How did it come down to this?
Scrolling through your call list
I don't wanna lose my pride, but I'm a fuck me up a bitch
Know that I kept it sexy, and know I kept it fun
There's something that I'm missing, maybe my head for one

What's worse, lookin' jealous or crazy, jealous or crazy?
Or like being walked all over lately, walked all over lately
I'd rather be crazy”

 

Thanks to our Top 40, now you can get an education in relationships for free. The message coming through loud and clear is that relationships are about sex primarily and that jealousy and insecurity are attractive. They are learning about how the mind and emotions don’t matter as long as your body is available and that nothing is meant to last very long, as soon as a relationship requires work then walk away and find the next thrill.

If you are an adult with young people in your world, youth that you care about, that you want to see in healthy respectful relationships where they are empowered and shown they have worth…

Then please have the courage to start conversations about boundaries and respect and love. Don’t allow Drake and Ariana to be your teenagers teacher when it comes to the important stuff.

#Blessed?

Many times it's been explained to me that I'm blessed to be born in a free country, to have a job, to always have enough food.
Tag lines like Blessed to be a Blessing, Be thankful for how blessed you are to grow up like this occasionally resurface like old records.
I agree with this, but there is something missing.

If I was born into a war torn nation, or grew up not eating three meals a day... am I no longer blessed?
Why is the blessing of God measured suspiciously similar to GDP and the decile system sometimes?

When I was thinking about all this, I did a Facebook search for #blessed....   Without fail, everything that came up related to having healthy and loving families, holidays to beautiful places, getting promoted, being sickness and injury free and celebrating good times...

But then, I can't help noticing that Jesus' version of #blessed from Matthew 5 has a slightly different flavour of the month.
Blessed are the poor
Blessed are those who mourn
Blessed are the humble
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for justice
Blessed are the merciful
Blessed are the pure of heart
Blessed are the peacemakers
Blessed are those who are persecuted for their righteousness

Jesus has always been radically counter cultural to the ways of the empire. If His people can look beyond happiness, opportunity and wealth as proof of living a blessed life, we might encounter the deep mysterious wonder of the gospel in a way that we never could living in the fast lane of #blessed.

The gift of vulnerability

I don't know anyone who consciously believes that they are perfect, no one who genuinely thinks they've got themselves all sorted out. We all know that we have areas of weakness and that we make mistakes sometimes, and we are aware that other people do too... But despite this communal awareness of imperfection, we have a culture that is saturated with messages of perfection and it leads us to hide our weakness, to feel shame about mistakes.

And so we don't talk about it. We put our best side forward and act like we know what we're doing.

But what I'm realising is that when I do that, it does more damage than I knew.
It works like this...
When I hide and feel shame about my own weakness and inability to measure up, then I will inevitably communicate the message that in order to be accepted by me, other people must treat their own brokenness in the same way. 
We know this from experience. You trust the people who are honest about the hard stuff and you feel like you can be real with them. Why is this?
It's because with their vulnerability, they've communicated the message that weakness and struggle are an accepted part of this relationship.

People who are honest and accepting of their own weaknesses create around them a space in which it is safe for other to do the same. And in a world where from a very young age people are taught the language of shame, they're taught that they need to appear strong and competent... then to offer the gift of imperfection and weakness is priceless. 

6 baby steps to a more sustainable ethical lifestyle

If asked, most people would say that they value sustainability, fair trading and ethical production of goods. There aren't many people who enjoy intentionally trashing the planet and exploiting other people, so we'll start with that as an assumption.
However, lack of knowledge, location and lack of money often mean that our values remain at the ideals level rather than being a reality in our everyday lives.

For a long time I believed that if I was to live a sustainable and ethical lifestyle it would mean I had to get free range chickens, install solar panels, make my own clothes and drink organic soy milk straight from the plant...  And while this might be a slight exaggeration, I believe this is a view many people still hold.
So, here I've explained six simple and easy changes you can make which go a long way in making our culture one that treasures the natural resources of the earth and gives value and dignity to her global citizens, which to be honest seems like a pretty common sense way of living.

1. Take reusable shopping bag when you go grocery shopping. Supermarkets go through millions of these every year, most of them ending up in landfill. NZ laws mean that recycled plastics cannot come into contact with food so it can be hard to find uses for the bags that do get recycled. You can keep a few material bags in your car or somewhere easy to grab on the way out the door.... They can carry more weight and are much easier to hold than plastic bags and there's no risk of your groceries spilling out all over the road when your 6 gram plastic bag splits!

2. Check out local op shops or thrift stores. When I was younger I had a passionate dislike for these places, I saw them as dirty, filled with old clothes that smelled like their last owners. Now that I have to be an adult and buy my own clothes, my opinions have dramatically changed! Op shops generally do a fantastic job at cleaning and sorting their clothing to filter out unbearable items and it can be an adventure shopping there! Not to mention that you can get clothes for $2 that would have cost $40 new. There's also the benefit of knowing you're not contributing to the fast fashion crisis that is ravaging our neighbors around the world. If this is something you're unfamiliar with, check out my previous posts on the fashion industry.

3. If you can afford it, choose the fair trade option for coffee, chocolate, bananas and other food items. People tell me they can't justify paying an extra three dollars for a block of chocolate... And I think "can you justify paying an extra three dollars to ensure the workers involved in producing it are treated with dignity and have a chance to give their families a future?"
I'm not being harsh. I'm being real.
If you can't afford to choose a fair trade option, maybe you should ask yourself whether it's really worth the true cost of buying the cheaper product.

4. Use your legs. Driving around town is faster, easier, you stay dry and you don't have to carry things. I get it. But when you choose to walk, you are lowering your carbon footprint, experiencing firsthand the community you live in and probably doing your waistline a favor too. You won't always be able to choose to walk due to distance or children etc, but make a habit of questioning whether you really need the car today and you'll find yourself pumping those legs much more often!

5. Buy a good drink bottle. Yes, plastic bottles can be reused for sure, but before long they become kind of scummy


looking and the chemicals in the plastic aren't amazing for you either. If you invest in a solid plastic or metal drink bottle, you look way cooler and make a stand against our never ending disposable culture.

6. Start conversations. Conversations about ethical and sustainable living should never be relegated to the realms of hippies, home-schoolers and policy makers. Oh that this topic would be a common occurrence in our families, churches,  workplaces and classrooms! Ask good questions, let yourself be challenged by others opinions, be open minded about this stuff.

7 things a good friend will do

Each year I recognize a little bit more the absolute importance of having good friends and being a good friend. These past few years I have been so blessed to have had amazing people around me that have encouraged me, challenged me and helped me grow more than I would have ever thought.
I don't always get the friendship thing right (like that time in primary school when I told a girl I wouldn't be her friend unless she gave me her lamington.... yup that really happened.) and I know there are times when I hurt people with my words and actions, but there are also times when I manage to put into action some of the stuff I know in my head! 
So this post is a collection of 7 things that a good friend does: all of these being things I am still working on myself, but know how important they are!

Number 1
Be there.  No matter what time of day or night or whether it's convenient, just be there. Be there when that relationship ends, be there when the drunken call comes from town at 3 am, be there when they get that promotion, be there when that sick family member dies and the funeral is out of town. Some of the most significant friendship moments for me have been when I was at my absolute lowest and ugliest, not even fun to be around but someone was there anyway, refusing to leave. And be aware that most people won't ask you to be there, don't wait for that. Just be there anyway.

Number 2
Listen. Maybe for the guys it's different, but I will speak on behalf of the girls... Usually I don't want advice or a solution from my friend (If I do, you'll know about it). I just want you to listen and validate that what I'm feeling is a real thing and worth addressing. That's all. If you're a close friend, you might have to listen to the same thing several times before they figure it out... That's okay. Try not to say "We've talked about this before", but just listen again, maybe talking something through will bring the breakthrough they're wanting.  

Number 3
Ask good questions. This one really goes hand in hand with listening... I would go as far to say that asking good questions is a part of being a good listener, and it takes practice. Questions can have two purposes... 1- They get you information about someone or a situation. ie, What time do you need me to be at your practice? Which flowers does your mum like best? That kind of thing... or 2- They are a tool to draw out the knowledge, understanding and experiences of another person in a way that allows them to better understand themselves or their situation. Most of us can figure out the first type of questions easy enough but the second type is what a good friend will need to practice. This could be something like... "What is it about this relationship that makes you a better person?" "When you play piano like that, what does it mean to you?" "How do you think your natural teaching skills can benefit this organization that you're working with?" These types of questions are not for your information but almost exclusively for the other persons benefit.  I could do a whole blog on questions, I love this stuff!

Number 4
Don't assume your relationship will remain strong left unattended. Wow, this is one that constantly challenges me and I know I've lost some friendships through not understanding the importance of this. A friendship is just like any other living thing.... If you don't look after it and pay attention to it, it will die. Fact of life. 
Make an effort to text back. Write a note and leave it with their stuff. Make time to go out for dinner. All of those little things can mean the difference between life and death of a friendship or relationship. Some friendships survive for seasons solely on one persons initiative and sometimes that's okay but don't let it go on too long, start watering that thing too!

Number 5
Let each other grow and change. Your friendship might have been amazingly strong and valuable during high school or university or during a specific season.... but don't lock someone into staying that same person as you move forward in life. Allow them space to explore and become someone different as they move through experiences that are bound to shape both of you. Trust that your friendship will stay strong even as you have the courage to hold someone with loose hands

Number 6 
Champion your friend in what they're passionate about. Oh how amazing is it to have someone who is secure enough in themselves to build you up and champion you into what you were made for! Be that person who tells everyone how amazing your friend is in front of them... Be the embarrassing person who holds up a big sign in the music recital and makes everyone look at you... Be the person who calls later that night to tell your friend what an amazing job they did at organising an event. Whatever your friend is into, whatever dreams they are pursuing, be their biggest cheerleader! 

Number 7
Be willing to apologise. No matter how much you care about someone and want to be the best friend you can, sometimes you're gonna mess it up. Maybe you accidentally tell a secret they shared, maybe your music recital sign was a little too embarrassing and it put off their performance. Maybe you were tired and snapped about something that happened long ago, or maybe you just became too busy and forgot to be a friend for a while... Whatever it was, don't be too prideful to turn up at the house and say sorry. No text apologies! Are we still in high school people?? 
It might be that your friend needs a little more time to work through things until they will let you back in, and that's okay. Be sincere in your words, follow it with your actions and give them the time and space that they need.  

I thought this image captured an old friendship so well!

True Cost Part 2 - Extreme Makeover, Closet Edition

My last post took the rusty lid off the Pandora's box of fashion, exposing some of the deception, manipulation and tragedies behind our clothing, so if you haven't read that one yet, do that first, because this one is only meaningful in light of the huge problem. 

With this post I'm aiming to introduce a little hope into the equation... Not everyone is buying into this industry. For years there have been people questioning, fighting and getting a little creative as they wage war against this beast. I want to honor them and tell you what they've done as well as challenging you to think about what you could do.

Everybody needs to take responsibility for the garment workers, we live in a global world and we can do much better than this! We have an international trading system that is systemically dysfunctional, completely out of balance and needs to be addressed. I recognize however that the fashion industry changed very very quickly to be like this, and after a big change in any industry it takes a while to smell and feel the dirt that comes from something that is polluting...and now, we've come to the point where the danger cannot be denied and I have a lot of hope that things will begin to change.



Here are a few companies and people that have taken on the challenge, identified with the humanity of the garment workers and done something...

People Tree, a sustainable and fair trade fashion company that sells online all over the world. They source all of their material through organic means and work closely with their workers who they call partners. They start with the people and the skills they have and then design clothing from that space instead of the other way round. Check them out at http://www.peopletree.co.uk/ 

Larhea Pepper, a Texan cotton farmer who has changed her whole farm around in order to produce organic cotton. They have forsaken mass pesticide spraying and just spray the weeds by hand... This ensures that the land doesn't have excess pressure on it from the chemicals and the cotton produced is much healthier. Larhea made this change after her farming husband died from a cancer they believed came about from working too closely with dangerous pesticides for many years. 

Green Carpet Challenge, An initiative encouraging celebrities to take part in more mindful forms of fashion, using their high profiles to raise awareness. More information at http://eco-age.com/green-carpet-challenge/ 

Swallows, A fair trade fashion and development project based in Bangladesh. This is special because not only do they provide work for people in Bangladesh and a sustainable fashion option for consumers, but they also have a Swallows school in the area that gives education to 320 children. http://www.peopletree.co.uk/about-us/who-makes-our-products/swallows

Patagonia, a popular outdoor wear company that have begun taking responsibility for where their clothes come from and are asking questions that challenge their customers views on consumerism.

This is just a few of many groups taking action to improve the quality and integrity of the clothes we wear. But that's just what they've done, everyone will have a different response... For me, it makes sense that I no longer buy clothes from mainstream companies that haven't taken any responsibility for their part in the problem. I try firstly to not buy clothes if I don't have to, this is partially to fight the lie that says I need more all the time, and partly to not be a part of making more stuff. Buying second hand is always a great option too. There are lots of ethical options for clothes as well, for NZ unfortunately most of these will be online but that can be navigated. 

There's a lot of deeper reasons behind why we need to be responsible, why we need to take a stand... a lot of them depend on what your beliefs about God and the value of humanity is, both things I will touch on in the third and final part of this blog on clothing... But until then, ask yourself, what are some practical changes you could make that would, in some small part, join the war against greed and selfishness? What could you do that would be a small act of solidarity with millions of oppressed and desperate garment workers?