Relationships 101: Welcome to the School of the Top 40

Relationship 101: School of the Top 40

Recently I have been doing some work with a community youth support service and met some incredible young people who are charging into adulthood where they will take their place as the parents, teachers, counsellors and leaders of the next generation.

But something I’ve noticed is how much these young people listen to music… all day every day they are listening to, singing out loud, reading and absorbing the lyrics in the popular singles that are topping the charts.

As youth navigating in an adult world, they are learning how to relate to other people, how to communicate needs and desires, how to treat a woman and what it looks like to be in a relationship… And for many of these kids, none of the adults in their personal life are having these conversations with them. So naturally, they will learn these skills from the other adults in their world who are willing to share their wisdom… namely, Rihanna, Drake, Ariana Grande and Pink.

Based on a brief scan of the current Top 40, here’s some of the lyrics that are a part of shaping the relational understanding of our youth.

Warning: Some of this content is disturbing, racist and violent

 

“I torture you
Take my hand through the flames
I torture you
I'm a slave to your games
I'm just a sucker for pain
I wanna chain you up
I wanna tie you down
I'm just a sucker for pain”

 

“She from Africa but she fucks me like she Haitian
Ass black, but them eyes looking Asian
I gave her the can in Kansas
I got it on tape, she on candid camera
OKC I forgot we met in Oklahoma
I use to smoke Regina, she from Arizona
Then I met a girl in Cali I never disowned her
She got that high grade
Her weave come with diplomas, I want her”

“I don't need eyes to see
I felt you touchin' me
High like amphetamine
Maybe you're just a dream
That's what it means to crush
Now that I'm wakin' up
I still feel the blow
But at least now I know

It wasn't love, it wasn't love
It was a perfect illusion
Mistaken for love, it wasn't love
It was a perfect illusion”

“We go fast with the game we play
Who knows why it's gotta be this way?
We say nothing more than we need
I say "your place" when we leave”

“I go on and on
Can't understand how I last so long
I must have the superpowers
Last 223 thousand hours
It's cause I'm off of CC
And I'm off the Hennessy
And like your boy from Compton said
You know this dick ain't free!
I got girls that I shoulda made pay for it
Got girls that I shoulda made wait for it
Got girls that'll cancel a flight back home
Stay another day for it”

“I'm talkin' to ya
See you standing over there with your body
Feeling like I wanna rock with your body
And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin'
I'm comin' at ya
'Cause I know you got a bad reputation
Doesn't matter, 'cause you give me temptation
And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin'”

 

“Something don't feel right
Because it ain't right
Especially comin' up after midnight
I smell your secret, and I'm not too perfect
To ever feel this worthless
How did it come down to this?
Scrolling through your call list
I don't wanna lose my pride, but I'm a fuck me up a bitch
Know that I kept it sexy, and know I kept it fun
There's something that I'm missing, maybe my head for one

What's worse, lookin' jealous or crazy, jealous or crazy?
Or like being walked all over lately, walked all over lately
I'd rather be crazy”

 

Thanks to our Top 40, now you can get an education in relationships for free. The message coming through loud and clear is that relationships are about sex primarily and that jealousy and insecurity are attractive. They are learning about how the mind and emotions don’t matter as long as your body is available and that nothing is meant to last very long, as soon as a relationship requires work then walk away and find the next thrill.

If you are an adult with young people in your world, youth that you care about, that you want to see in healthy respectful relationships where they are empowered and shown they have worth…

Then please have the courage to start conversations about boundaries and respect and love. Don’t allow Drake and Ariana to be your teenagers teacher when it comes to the important stuff.