My month without Facebook - What I learned

A month ago I decided to go without the super monster of Facebook for the month, a bit of an experiment to see what happened and some time to figure out how I feel about this whole social media thing...

So here's what happened

1. Usually people remembered to tell me about important things and still invite me to events. Sometimes they didn't. And that was okay.
All of the really important things I managed to catch and it was actually really nice seeing people remember to talk to me in person or text me about something 

2. After the first two days I forgot about Facebook almost completely. I didn't feel the need to go on all the time and I didn't feel like I was missing out. In fact, come the end of the month I didn't actually really want to go back on it at all, but that will take a bit more figuring out as to the logistics of that.

3. I wrote more letters and called more people. This was something I had planned to do anyway during this month, so it wasn't a surprise, but not having a stalker view on people's lives for the month meant that when I called people or wrote them a letter, I could ask about their life and be genuinely surprised when they told me things rather than saying "Oh yeah, I saw that on Facebook".

4. I studied better. Nothing more needs to be said on this one, we all know what it's like.

5. I had time to think about how to use Facebook rather than let Facebook use me. I do have a lot of thoughts on this but I'm not going to write them here, if you want to talk about it then we can do it in person

6. I was surprised by the number of people who after their initial confused reaction were pretty excited and said that they wished they could do something like that... which by the way you can.
I was also surprised by the number of conversations that went something like "Hey, did you see on Facebook that... oh, you don't have Facebook. Sorry." Which in writing doesn't sound funny at all, but it was often said in the same tone of voice that you might use if you started telling a puppy joke to someone then realised their puppy had died the week before.
Weird.

7. I missed a couple of birthdays. That kind of sucked. But then I realised that if I only remember someone's birthday because I see it on Facebook, either that person isn't really that important to me, or I need to be a better friend and write this stuff down somewhere else! Bring back the birthday diary!

So, what happens now?
 I don't really know.
 I am thinking about going off Facebook for good, but I need to sort through stuff before that since a lot of my work, volunteer and study communication happens through Facebook.
But I might not.
I know I'll definitely go on here less. And I won't have Facebook on my phone or tablet because I use those things when I'm with people and it would be much better to use that time to talk to people!

Dear Facebook, It's complicated....

I've been in a relationship with  Mr Facebook for 6 years now, on and off at times and we've had some rocky months but overall, we're in a pretty steady relationship.

Unfortunately, it isn't a very healthy relationship as I just found out. He stalks my life, knows all my friends and as I just found out, is also in relationship with 1.44 billion other people... wow, that's awkward. He also isn't really into quality time so whenever we hang out all I ever hear about is the highlights of all his other friends lives.

I'm assuming you're also in a relationship with Mr Facebook too, so I thought I would let you in on some information maybe you didn't know...

• The average smartphone user checks Facebook 14 times per day
• Several people have been murdered for unfriending someone on Facebook (I feel particularly at risk since I unfriended 400 people last weekend)
• Facebook tracks what sites you visit, even when you're logged out (I told you, over obsessive relationship)
• According to studies, 1 in 3 people feel less satisfied with their lives after visiting Facebook
• A third of all divorce filings in the US in 2011 contained the word Facebook in the reasons for divorce
• 8.7% of Facebook users aren't real people

These past few weeks I've been wrestling with the question of how do I use Facebook and other social media sites in a way that builds people up and honors God but doesn't waste my time and suck out my creativity. It's an interesting dilemma and probably one that we haven't had to face at the this degree ever before.

I believe in real relationship and I want to fight for authentic conversation, for real connection. I'll go to battle for quality time and face to face friendship. I have seen in my own life and in the lives of those around me how Facebook damages the willingness and necessity to connect with the people around us in real time.
However, Facebook is also a useful tool for keeping in touch with overseas friends, managing the various groups I'm involved in and organizing events.

I've been inspired by some friends recently who have deleted their Facebook accounts completely, choosing to rebel against a culture that tries to be connected at all times to the rest of the world. I admire that. They're people that are really great to spend time with because they value the real stuff.

The nature of the things I'm involved in makes it very hard to delete Facebook completely but I've made a decision that for the next month, Mr Facebook and I are going to take a break, clear the air and think about our priorities.

How can I use Facebook as a tool for encouraging and celebrating people and bringing glory to God through the way my life is seen there? How can I use Facebook as an outlet for my creativity and wisdom rather than letting it numb my brain and mindlessly scroll through other people's lives?
What does it look like to fight for quality relationships and have a part of those friendships be on Facebook?

These are the questions that I want to figure out over this next month while Mr Facebook tends to his other 1.44 billion devotees...

Until then, Skype me, call me, have coffee with me, come for a run with me....
Grace and Peace,
Aliesha

What is that in your hand?

This is a story about a stick.
And about a nation that had been slaves for hundreds of years.
It's a post about an unwilling liberator and about the things you hold in your hands.

Enter Moses, political fugitive in the desert after escaping with his life from the tyrant Pharoah, king of Egypt (unfortunately also his step grandad... awkward). Moses was taking his father in laws sheep for a stroll through the wilderness when he caught sight of a bush that was on fire but wasn't burning up and becoming curious he went to check it out...
Read the story yourself in Exodus 3, but in short Moses was assigned by God Himself the task of going back into the melting pot of civilization he'd escaped from and rescuing the nation of Israelites who had been slaves there for 430 years and leading them into the land God had promised to them. No big deal.

But Moses wasn't too chuffed about the idea and gave God a nice big list of reasons why he was not the guy for the job and God should probably just try someone else.
 To which God replies "What is that in your hand?"
Moses looks, "A shepherds staff"

A shepherds staff was a wooden stick, often with a curved top, a tool to help guide and protect the sheep and to support the shepherd. It was something Moses used everyday in his work.
Then God goes onto show him incredible signs and wonders that he would do when Moses used the staff, like turning it into a snake then back into a stick... He tells him that He will do miracles through Moses in Egypt to convince Pharaoh to release the people, even to force them to leave!

After this encounter, Moses heads back home and gathers his wife and kids and puts them on a donkey ready to head back to Egypt (well, probably not ready, but he's going at least). Then there is this little verse... "In his hand was the staff of God".

Somewhere between finding the burning bush and preparing to leave for Egypt, the perspective of Moses changed.... What had been just "a shepherds staff" was now the "staff of God". What happened?
God showed Moses the potential for the tool he already had in his hand. He showed him how what he was using everyday could be used for a purpose much much greater than what it was now.
What had been used to herd sheep would now be used to lead a million captives into their promise.

What do you have in your hand friend?
What tools, gifts, talents, resources and connections do you already hold?
And what would happen if you let God show you the potential they have to bring Him glory and usher in the kingdom of heaven to your world?
Would you see them differently?

Keep it Simple

This past year I've been on a journey learning about simplicity and what it means to live without excess and clutter, both internally and externally.

So this post is ten things that I've discovered that simplify life a bit. Some of them I've almost mastered, some of them I'm just scratching the surface of but all of them I believe to be useful and good.

Number One: Try not to multi-task. 
You may get slightly more things done, but you'll be distracted and none of them will be top quality. Doing one thing at a time will help you learn to live in the present, being fully where you are. What you do, do it mindfully.

Number Two: Eat slowly.
How often do we shovel food down our throat and jump up to leave and can't even remember what we just ate? Eating slowly will both help you to enjoy and savor the gift that each meal is and you'll feel much better afterwards because your body was designed to eat slowly. It will also give you more time to talk with the amazing people you get to eat with!

Number Three: Capture the first 5 minutes of the day.
The way that your first few minutes of your day go has a pretty huge impact on what the rest of it will be like... If you are someone who prays, use those first minutes to give the day to God, thank Him for the chance to live a whole new day and tell Him how awesome He is! If you aren't the praying type, give it a go!  Haha, or make a list in your mind of things you're thankful for, what things you're looking forward to that day or sing a happy song?

Number Four: Go technology free occasionally.
Now I realise that in today's world of communication, online classes and emails, this can practically be a pretty hard thing to do. So just take small steps, go for a walk without your I-pod, leave your phone and laptop in the lounge when you go to bed, hang out with a friend and leave your phone in your bag turned off...   Switching off for a bit can help break the lie of our generation that we need to be constantly connected with the rest of the world

Number Five: Do an honest assessment of your possessions.
I do NOT mean throw out everything except your hemp pants and Peruvian shawl...
But take a look at the things you own... Do you use them? Do you even like them? Is there someone in your life who would benefit from it more than you? Would you miss it if it wasn't there?
Last year I put a whole lot of my stuff and my clothes in a box and put it out of sight in the hall cupboard just to test this theory... After about 4 months I had barely noticed the absence so I took the whole box down to the goodwill store without even opening it!

Number Six: Make time each week to spend time with someone important to you, just for the sake of being together. 
There's not really much to be said about this one.
Your people are important.
Make sure they know it.
The end.

Number Seven: Go through town without your wallet
Currently this one is a forced lifestyle for me as I have lost my wallet and everything in it.
But if you are going with someone else into town or you just have to walk through the mall to get something else, but you have no need to buy anything.... Removing the access to your money is extremely freeing! There's no temptation to buy food or cheap sales stuff because you can't.

Number Eight: Don't over think what people say
Apparently this isn't such a problem for guys.
But for all my girls out there, you know exactly what I mean! But I've found that if you're unsure about what someone really meant or what they think... Just ask them! This will solve 99% of your problems! Good old fashioned talking it out.
And if you don't want to address it in person, then either let it go or work on your conflict skills. I know, ugly honest.
And please please whatever you do, don't talk about it with every other person you know before going to the source... This only serves to make the problem bigger, take longer to figure out and offends people. Every single time.

Number Nine: Learn how to say No.
For those of you who watch a season of a TV programme every second day and can manage to sleep till lunchtime quite easily... This one is not for you! You, my friends, should instead learn how to say yes to some things!
But for those of you who are like me, I struggle to say no to anything because I just want to do everything! Taking an honest look at how you spend your time and what your capacity is can be incredibly helpful. Sometimes just stepping back from one or two roles, cutting back a few hours with a certain work or project can really free you up to rest, be with your people or get some exercise in! If you're doing more than you are supposed to, you're wearing yourself out and also taking the place of someone else who would really thrive in the role that you're doggedly sticking to even though it's killing you.

Number Ten: Tidy up.
I feel like number ten should be a super awesome creative one, to finish off, ya know...
But this humble, often overlooked skill has changed me!
Put your clothes away when you take them off, do the dishes while the dinner is in the oven, make the bed when you get up...
They're small things, often inconvenient. But when your environment is clean, then your mind has more space to think, to be creative and to do things that matter!

There's a lot of inner work that God has done in me, giving me a heart that values simplicity and has learned to slow down in life, but these are just some easy practical things that have made the journey easier!

Open Doors

This past month I've been on placement in Timaru hospital, just over 2 hours north of my city. Yesterday I arrived for my shift slightly early and was just standing outside enjoying the sun and praying for my shift, the patients and staff.

As I was there, a young boy of about 4 years old ran up to the main door, presumably to come and visit someone. The automatic door was just shutting after the last person had walked through when the child ran up. He tried to get through but was too small for the door sensor to recognise, so the doors kept closing.
The boy was jumping around in front of it saying "please open, please open" but it kept shutting.
Just before the doors shut completely, the child's father came up behind him and the door sensor recognised the larger person and opened for him. The boy didn't realise that his dad had come up behind him so he thought he had opened the door himself and with a whoop of excitement he ran through completely unaware of his dad.

It was a cute, amusing scene to watch, but as soon as the two went inside, I realised that God had got me to the hospital early specifically so I could watch this interaction and learn an important truth from it!

In life we come up to a set of doors that are closing on us, it happens all the time. It may be a bad health diagnosis, a struggling marriage, a corrupt government. The doors might be a friend being ravaged by an eating disorder, a family member walking away from God or the unexpected loss of a job and financial security.
We run up to the door, desperately trying to stop it from closing in our face, longing to cross over to the other side where there is healing, breakthrough or rest.
But we're too small, too insignificant, too powerless from stopping those heavy doors and they continue to shut. We can plead, jump around in front of them and get frustrated but nothing happens.

But when Dad, when Papa God comes up behind us, when the weight of His power, glory and love is backing us, those doors have no choice but to open! Cancer has to die, love has to win the marriage back, nations and governments have to bow down! Addiction is always broken off, souls always turn and repent and security and provision always flows!

The doors open before God. By their very nature they cannot remain closed.

The danger then for us, is that we rejoice at the opening door, at the change in circumstances and we run through to enjoy the outcome without looking behind. If we turned around we would see the Father, the One for whom the door opened.

My friend, don't run too far ahead of Dad. Wait on Him, walk through the door together knowing the power of the one you walk with.

Thank You God for Wednesday

I have sitting here before me, an incredible gift, a display of the mercy and goodness of God.
I have 16 or more hours of awake time, fresh, untouched, pure life time.

No one has ever been here before, we're all going into this as explorers seeing a land for the very first time, no one is experienced here yet.
Like looking over the fresh snow covered fields, a perfect blank canvas, anything is possible.

May Father God help me not to go crashing and stumbling into this new land, yelling war cries and seeing how fast I can get to the other side, how much ground I can cover.
Busyness, stress and hurry... these are the things that will pollute and destroy this pure place, these hours stretched ahead of me.
Instead, may I walk slowly, tread gently here. Reaching out to my fellow explorers, hearing them properly, smelling the scent of leaves getting ready to fall soon and breathing deeply the fresh sea air.
May I never assume I know the way in this place, but to ask for help, to be unassuming in my exploration, seeing all this beauty through the eyes of a child.

Thank You God for this incredible new place.
Thank You for Wednesday.
May every space, every moment of this day be filled with You, for You are the only one who has come this way before.

Purpose of the Holy Pause

Thank you for taking a few minutes to come here, to read this.

I've taken a break from writing for the past 6 months, but now I feel the words and the stories welling up in me again and I know it's time to share them again. We're a people that love narratives, we were made to follow the winding unpredictable path of stories. They encourage, they inspire, they let people be known by others and they connect us together.

The reason I've called this blog "The Holy Pause" is because God is teaching me that the only people who really get to experience the fullness and the beauty of life is those who pause in their day. Those who refuse to believe the lie of busy and they weigh the moment down with their full attention. They get to catch the glory in the little things, the wonder in the everyday...
This blog is about that. About really seeing life.

You're welcome to come with me...