Enoughness

This morning I got up at 5:45 to go to work and when I got there, a scheduling miscommunication meant that we had two people thinking they were working... So I left again and for a few minutes felt grumpy. The worry of missing the day of pay and of not having enough work nearly stole the opportunity for great joy.

I realised though that God wouldn't allow a scheduling error to mean I didn't have enough. There will be enough money and enough work. So this day turned into a free gift.
I went to the river nearby and sat on a rock down amongst the trees, the sun coming through the leaves onto my face.

I have been recognising a voice recently in my mind... of not 'enoughness' when it comes to my work, a subtle disapproval of only working a couple

Lynn Creek, the river I found myself at this morning 

of days a week for months now, of having time for things I enjoy when most of my friends work much more.
I've noticed this voice, or more so the feelings of inadequacy and worry the voice invokes in me, before now... but today was the first time I really shined the light on it, exposed it as a lie intended to steal life. It says that to be a real adult, to be responsible and valuable, I need to work more. To have this much time for the things I love is irresponsible.

Today I rebuked that voice, and with deep gratitude I accept and receive this season of time, slowness and freedom. I speak back to it, saying that my value and my being enough are in no way tied to my work situation or productivity. I am enough simply because I am alive within relationship with Jesus. Of course I will take opportunities to work, so I can pay bills and contribute to my workplace, but I can receive that as a gift too, not as a duty or something necessary to be valuable.

I knew that in this moment, right now, the absolute most important thing in the world for me to be doing was to be present at that river. To watch the pollen dust float down through the sun beams and be caught up suddenly in the current. To allow the constant melody of the water heal my ears from the jarring noise of the city. To be still and to breathe and to let the Spirit remind me that I am enough. Just like this. I am enough.