What Peruvian Walking Trees and a life you actually want have in common.

When I was 16, I was able to travel through South America with my dad, partly for his work and partly for a holiday. While we were there we spent some days in the Amazon jungle, in Peru and saw creatures and plants like nowhere else in the world! One of the trees that often comes back into my mind is the Socratea exorrhiza, more commonly known as Peruvian walking trees. 

This photo shows their unique root system, which starts a couple of metres above the ground before continuing underground. These trees earned their name by their ability to grow new roots on one side of the tree whilst roots on the other side die away. A slow process for sure (I was hoping for something more the like trees in Lord of the Rings), but over time these amazing trees can move to areas of more sunlight, better water sources or less debris on the forest floor. 

Rob Bell, an author and speaker I mostly enjoy has a phrase he uses a lot, he says "Go where the life is". I cannot think of a living thing that demonstrates this better than the Walking Trees of Peru. 

Now, I write this post painfully aware that often my life does not show the kind of maturity and intentionality I would like it to (just last night in a team meeting my words were "I'm pretty sure I have failed as hard as it's possible to fail at taking time to rest this month"), and those close to me have witnessed my continuing battle to live honestly in the way I say I want to. So I don't write this presuming to have mastered it, but rather I write as someone who has come a long way in the past few years and perhaps has something that could be valuable to share. 

I see a lot of folks living in ways they don't actually like, and often they would be the first ones to tell you so. 

I'm too busy and never have time for my family
I don't like my job
I wish I could get fitter but I'm too lazy
I don't ever get outside as much as I'd like
I wish I had deeper friendships but we just never spend time together
The house walls are an ugly green colour 

But for some reason we stay in these circumstances that we don't like... I think sometimes we assume it can't change, or that this is how life as an adult is, isn't it normal to be over worked and stressed and not really like our lives? We consider ourselves to be so much more powerless than we truly are and therefore remain as we are, playing the character in a story that other people with more power seem to be writing the script for. 
As a recovering people pleasing overflowing schedule addict, (note: this recovery process often feels like one of the those awful dreams when you are running in slow motion then right before you get to the end you are suddenly back to where you started) there has been one practice which has been a total game changer and helped me start making choices and changes to build a life that I actually really enjoy living in and am proud of. 

Self interrogation. Yes. On a regular basis I sit myself down and interview myself about my own life. This is not really a normal person thing to do I realise that, but I also don't really want a normal life so I'm willing to get a little out of the box about it. 
Every three months, I sit down with a list of about 20 questions that I crafted and I answer the same questions each time as honestly as possible. If you are interested, let me know, I am more than happy to give people these questions to use as they want to, but for the sake of space and internet privacy, I won't put them all here. 
Some examples though so you get an idea...

Who are the five people I spend the most time with and what effect does this have on me?
What are the parts of my everyday life that are life giving and what parts are draining?
What am I passionate about?
What would I like to be better at?
Who are seven people I want to be intentional about building relationship with in the next few months?

Then when I have answered them all, I ask myself what changes or action am I going to take as a response to what I have been thinking about. I never try to enact all these changes at once, but slowly over the three months following, I attempt to integrate those changes into my life. 
I cannot overstate what a difference this has made. It has helped me identify parts of my life that I am just doing because I feel I should, I can see things that would benefit from more focus and things that are not important to me anymore and are able to be released. I see healthy and unhealthy relational patterns, ways that I am growing and difficult choices or conversations that need to happen. 

In fact, I saw so much healthy change in my life as a result of this over the past two years, that a few months ago I began a weekly, much smaller version of this. Each weekend I answer around five simple questions which help me make meaning from the past week and set direction and intention for the following week. Please understand, this is not so I can be more productive and fit more in. That's actually something I'm actively trying not to do, and one of my weekly questions is "What is something I give myself permission to let go of and not worry about doing this week?".

This method of being intentional about your time and energy and abilities is just one way of doing it... and I'm sure others have incredible stories of other ways of doing the same thing (which I would love to hear about). But I know how this discipline has given me perspective and freed me to pour my energy into the things that are really important to me and to stop wasting time on things that aren't. 

So, my friends, be encouraged. You have more power than you ever thought possible. When you begin to own your story, you realise that you can write it how you want, you're not in grade nine English class anymore. 
Go where the life is. If you find life in art and creating, build it in. If you find life in family and homemaking, make that the priority. If you find life in business and career, then go for it with all of the ability held inside of you. 
As you place down new roots closer to the life you seek, allow the old roots to die away and over time you will see how the tree no longer stands in the same place it once did. 

In Pursuit of Health

If you were hoping to find a dramatic weight loss story, or how I went from the couch to running marathons, this is not it. Maybe those kind of awe inspiring transformations happen to some people, but more often I find those stories tend to discourage me rather than motivate me, because my own life never seems to have that exponential improvement factor to it.

Rather, I want to share some of the slow, back and forth but gradually increasing journey of health and fitness that I've both fought for and been given over these past couple of years, as well as some of the things that have made all the difference along the way. My hope is that you will be encouraged and perhaps even better equipped along your own journey.

As a kid, I was active all the time, ate mostly healthy food and had no problems with any of it... By the end of high school, although I didn't appear unfit or overweight, I struggled to run a ten minute loop around my neighborhood, I couldn't tell you what the inside of a gym looked like and I considered a deep fried jam donut a sufficient meal.
I am somewhat of an idealist bordering on perfectionist sometimes, so I really struggled to see health as a lifewide concept whose future depended on today's choices. So I would go for a run for 15 mins and feel like I had conquered the world but be confused as to why I didn't have a 6 pack by morning and be able to run 10 km the next day. Or I would start the day well then eat cookies for lunch and throw away the whole next week because who can rescue the week after that?

Fast forward nearly 7 years, now I am confident to walk into a gym and carry out the workout I designed myself, even though I'm usually the only woman there. I am currently training for a 10 km trail race next month and consistently am able to choose foods that fuel my body, as well as having the freedom to eat treat foods and enjoy them. I am a healthy weight, I am confident, strong and aware of how what I do and eat affects all aspects of my life. But honestly most of this change has happened in the past year, with the other 6 years being a series of rules, restarts, frustrations and lack of knowledge about how to care properly for myself.

I want to share some of the things that helped and hindered my health journey, but I want to make a disclaimer also that everyone's journey looks different. So if there are things that didn't help me, it doesn't make them a useless or bad thing at all, it may be something that is incredibly helpful for you, in the same way that those things which encouraged me along my journey might not do the same for someone else. So this is not a prescription.


What didn't work for me...

Making rules for myself about what I can and cannot eat.       
I seriously tried this one for close to ten years before finally accepting that it doesn't work. As soon as I remove freedom from the equation, I leave myself in a position of succeeding or failing. And failing seems to take up ten times as much memory space than succeeding. Food cannot be labelled as "good" or "bad", it just is. It's like a table, like a leaf, like a truck... it doesn't contain either inherently good or evil properties. It does however have different effects on my body, and when I stopped making rules about what can and can't be eaten, I was able to see with more clarity what effect a food would have on me and choose based on that.

Having treat days.
I realise this is a tricky one, and actually may work really well for some people. For me, this looked like "binge Friday", a day where I would set aside all guilt about what I was eating and whatever looked good would go in my mouth. This is kind of embarrassing to write about now because of how terrible that logic was, but nevertheless, it happened for several years. The problem with this is that I would have these great intentions about Saturday morning being a new healthy start to the next week... but because of my poor food choices the night before, I would feel grumpy, low on energy, hungry and had usually the same cravings again for sugar and fatty foods. It's like an addictive food hangover that makes a good start the next morning nearly impossible. This mindset also removes all responsibility for one day and places a greater expectation for it on other days, also something that I couldn't live up to. 

Starting Fresh.
I'll be honest, this is still a mindset I have to confront regularly and still struggle with... but I'll write about it anyway. A new week, a new month, new years, birthdays, graduation, new job.... All these significant or not so significant milestones that in my mind seemed to mark a point that I could pick out and say "from that day onward I will be healthy". Again, embarrassingly terrible logic... As if all the habits, miseducation, cravings and lack of will would be wiped away overnight as the end of December became the start of January. The thing is, these starting fresh dates actually do work... for maybe 3 days or so depending on how determined I was at the time... but it would be ruined because of my all or nothing attitude, so as soon as I made a poor decision, was lazy or simply did something I've done for years and the calendar date couldn't change it, I would spiral down into failure and almost subconsciously be looking to what the next significant date or milestone could be. 

Having level 10 goals when I'm still on level 2. 
In my first year of university I signed up for a marathon. Had I run more than 2 km all year....? Hm, nope. Did I actually really want to do a marathon? Nope. But I signed up because of a mix of wanting to please the person who asked me if I wanted to and because I thought maybe it would be my fitness salvation. And I gave it a decent go... for maybe a month when I trained too hard too fast and caused a relapse of my shin splints from a few years back. Again I was icing my legs, hobbling around and feeling like a failure. I believe in the power of goals 100%, I think they are important in any kind of personal growth. But they need to be realistic goals for where you're at right now. For someone who rarely exercises, going for a walk 4 times a week is a perfectly worthy goal. But for someone else, training for a marathon might be the drive they need to push through to their next level. 

What did work for me

Allowing other people to be a part of the journey. 
For a long time I was scared to tell people what I was aiming for, what I was hoping to be able to achieve... Because if I failed (which I inevitably thought I would), it would be less exposing if I could quietly release my goal out the back door and not have to admit I couldn't do it. But as I've learned to trust people and share with them my goals and struggles, I've found that friends are a surprising source of strength, motivation and accountability. So if you're reading this... Asia, thank you for basically reteaching me everything and changing my life. Amber thank you for running with me, Tegan thank you for organising hiking trips, Sarah thank you for sharing your own journey with me. Raisa thank you for being a strong outdoors champion who I am secretly way more inspired by than you know, Lauren thank you for late night gym trips at uni and frosty morning runs. Jacqueline thank you for biking at 6 30 in the morning consistently with me, dad thank you for being someone who doesn't let age or winter stop you from having big goals and actually doing them... And many many other people who have allowed me to lean on them to get stronger. 

Revamping my Facebook Newsfeed. 
This sounds like a small thing, but actually makes a big difference. I used to have all sorts of food pages, movie suggestions, dumb pointless ads and people whose lifestyles I wasn't aiming to follow but would post regularly about what they were doing. Over a period of a few months I slowly unfollowed people whose posts didn't help me and began liking pages such as Outdoor Womens Alliance, Canadian Running Magazine, Vegan Community and other such topics. This means that when I scroll through Facebook I am bombarded with messages of motivation, health and the stories of other people who inspire me to be more active, healthy and intentional. 

I stopped assuming exercise and good nutrition would just happen. 
Prior to the last year, I never considered exercise or food to be something I had to plan. It would somehow naturally happen in all that spare time I didn't have with all of the extra motivation and energy I also didn't have.... right?  No. If I don't plan and prioritize being active, there is no way it will happen. So now every Friday I go through my next weeks calendar and schedule in runs, gym times, swimming, biking with a friend...   I sit down and design gym workouts that will target different muscle groups and make the most of the time I have there. I also find healthy recipes and schedule time each week to cook some big meals to freeze in portion sizes, because I no longer consider toast a decent lunch, even if I don't have much time. 

I started pursuing consistency over perfection
Yes there are days where I stay home and watch a movie with my friends rather than go on the 5km run I planned for the evening. And yes there are days when I eat cheese and choose fries over salad. But I no longer consider those things to be a failure, and therefore I no longer feel like my whole week has gone to waste. Now rather than looking at one meal or one day as a marker for success or failure, I try to look at the whole week or month and see the themes and patterns that are happening... As long as I am still moving in the right direction overall, then the little things can be embraced as part of the whole journey of becoming a person who is more gracious, accepting, happy and whole. 

There is so so much more I could write on this topic, but if you read this and are also struggling to make progress in your health journey I would love to talk with you about it, because going it alone is definitely the hardest route there is!

There is a long way that I have come, but I still consider myself hiking through the foothills of this mountain I'm planning on climbing... I have lots more goals, different sports I want to try, people I want to learn from and areas that my confidence still has lots of room to grow in. But I'm also content, who I am and where I am right now with health and fitness is a win, I'm thankful to God and to my people for doing this with me!

Sending love to the frontlines

"I think I'll create this person to live a relatively safe and boring life, attending a job everyday that they feel no purpose or enjoyment for, whilst having mostly average relationships with a small amount of peole who happen to be very similar to them".... Said God about nobody ever in the history of the human race.

I feel like I'm at a significant tipping point in my life that everyone experiences at some point, often in their mid to late twenties. When you're young,everybody wants to change the world. Everybody has big dreams. Kids will naturally believe their life is for something important,  from curing cancer to exploring Mars to being batman for real. As we get older these dreams are often refined slightly, but the adrenaline, naivety and feeling of invincibility that youth possess keeps them in the zone of passionate dreaming.

And then you graduate high school,  maybe get a degree, find a job... and suddenly you stumble onto this vulnerable tipping zone between changing the world and settling down. [Disclaimer] By settling down I don't mean getting married, buying a house and having kids.
No, I mean a settling down of the soul.
When it's too much effort to get fired up about something enough to ask questions and do research. When you thought about being a part of something but it was easier to stay home and watch Netflix. When the things you used to want are now often dismissed as unrealistic or idealistic.

Friend, I beg you, don't waste your life! We are made to invest, create, fight for something, feel deeply about injustice... There is something that you, with your unique combination of personality,  skills, resources and perspectives are able to offer to the world. Nobody else can sub in for you on that one. God doesn't make back up humans in case the first ones would rather take it easy!

I understand the hesitation people have, feeling like they don't really know what they are passionate about, or feel like it's too big of a dream to know how to start... so here are some small steps that can help ignite something in you that will start burning.

• Write a list of the things that you see in the world that make you feel uneasy, sad, frustrated or want to throw and break things. For me, a few of those were Fair trade injustices, human trafficking,  the foster care system, urban poverty,  christian apathy, youth suicide and non sustainable use of resources.... this is just a tiny example though, there are so so many things worth going after out there! 
• Research and get educated about one of the things you wrote down. For some that might look like watching a documentary and reading stuff online, for others it might mean basing a whole degree around that.
• Spend time with people who are passionate... it doesn't have to neccesarily be about the same thing you have in mind,  but I've found that being around people who have vision, drive and action causes those same things to rise up in me
• And finally,  do SOMETHING. Anything that is even vaguely related to something you're passionate about.You can reshape and refine the direction of it later, but you can't steer something until it's moving. For me, my dream is to help tear down and recontruct the complex global systems that allow poverty and injustice to persist.  Now I can't wake up one morning and get cracking on that without being paralyzed by how overwhelmingly huge that mission is. So I'm starting somewhere. I'm moving into the "ghetto" of the inner city in Vancouver for a year to listen to the stories of those who have been oppressed and marginalized and to better understand the layers and systems that contribute to generational western poverty.  You don't have to move across the world, you can join a local action group, start conversations to raise awareness, sponsor a child, talk to people affected by a certain issue, volunteer,  learn.... the opportunities are endless! 

"There are those who will say yes, and there are those who prefer to say no. Those who say yes, are rewarded by the adventures they have and those who say no are rewarded with the safety they attain" - Keith Johnson

Soul Oxidants

"The Lord is my shepherd,  I have everything I need. He leads me beside still waters and let's me rest in green meadows. He restores my soul."
Psalm 23

During my time here in the States I have been living and spending time with people who have an amazing understanding of health, nutrition,  exercise and how to make your body function at its best... they have taught me about a phenomenon called oxidation that occurs in the body (hang in with me, it's a little science for you but it's worth it)

Everyday the things we do such as exercise, talking, breathing dirty air, eating certain foods, even breathing and simply being alive.... causes free radicals to be released in your body. It sounds like a wild hippy, but is actually atoms with unbonded electrons that are produced through chemical reactions with oxygen in your cells. These free radicals are constantly bombarding your tissues like tiny bullets tens of thousands of times a day, and begin to cause damage. This process is what causes DNA  damage, early aging, and can lead to diseases such as arthritis, heart disease and cancer.

Thankfully we have a wonderfully designed protection system in the form of antioxidants! For those of you who think you can only find these in homemade green tea, think again, all fruits and vegetables are rich in antioxidants!  An antioxidant is a molecule that is able to bind to those nasty free radical electrons so it doesn't cause damage to your tissues. Think of the spinach as taking the bullet for your heart cells!
You can't avoid free radicals,  but you can ensure that your diet is rich in foods full of antioxidants and prevent as much damage as possible... shameless plug for the superheroes of the food pyramid, fruits and veggies!

Anyway, it got me thinking about how being alive brings you face to face with what I've called soul oxidants, the free radicals of the heart. For sure there are big things that launch an attack on our heart, tragedy and unexpected loss, wars and poverty and losing that which is important to you...
But there are also the small things that you may not notice always that are causing damage to the deep parts of you, your soul. The pressure to perform and produce at work, the effort it takes to be happy when you don't feel it. Angry drivers, delayed test results, disconnection with those you love most. Finances that seem to always be a little under, having friends who are hurting,  when you actually care about climate change but think you're the only one, winter days that never let the sun through.... Just being alive in a broken and hurting world exposes your soul to these damaging oxidants.

And parallel to the physical, we need an antioxidant of the soul.  While I've been here, almost everyday I've been for a walk to pray. No music, no cellphone, no distractions... I just walk and invite Jesus to walk with me, and we talk through the day, about people that are important to me. We talk about politics and wars and how I want to get better at push ups... about my friends who don't have a relationship with Him yet, about money and work and community. And I listen, this is something I'm trying to get better at since I have a tendency to talk too much and not give Him a chance to speak!  
But this time has been the richest source of soul oxidant, a healing,  daily balm that means all those other things don't damage my soul. Yes they're still there and I cannot avoid them, but when I spend time with my Father, He already absorbed all of that brokenness and damage when He died on the cross, so I am able to replace the weariness of the world with the lightness of His Spirit! Like the words of King David in Psalm 23, He restores my soul!