7 things a good friend will do

Each year I recognize a little bit more the absolute importance of having good friends and being a good friend. These past few years I have been so blessed to have had amazing people around me that have encouraged me, challenged me and helped me grow more than I would have ever thought.
I don't always get the friendship thing right (like that time in primary school when I told a girl I wouldn't be her friend unless she gave me her lamington.... yup that really happened.) and I know there are times when I hurt people with my words and actions, but there are also times when I manage to put into action some of the stuff I know in my head! 
So this post is a collection of 7 things that a good friend does: all of these being things I am still working on myself, but know how important they are!

Number 1
Be there.  No matter what time of day or night or whether it's convenient, just be there. Be there when that relationship ends, be there when the drunken call comes from town at 3 am, be there when they get that promotion, be there when that sick family member dies and the funeral is out of town. Some of the most significant friendship moments for me have been when I was at my absolute lowest and ugliest, not even fun to be around but someone was there anyway, refusing to leave. And be aware that most people won't ask you to be there, don't wait for that. Just be there anyway.

Number 2
Listen. Maybe for the guys it's different, but I will speak on behalf of the girls... Usually I don't want advice or a solution from my friend (If I do, you'll know about it). I just want you to listen and validate that what I'm feeling is a real thing and worth addressing. That's all. If you're a close friend, you might have to listen to the same thing several times before they figure it out... That's okay. Try not to say "We've talked about this before", but just listen again, maybe talking something through will bring the breakthrough they're wanting.  

Number 3
Ask good questions. This one really goes hand in hand with listening... I would go as far to say that asking good questions is a part of being a good listener, and it takes practice. Questions can have two purposes... 1- They get you information about someone or a situation. ie, What time do you need me to be at your practice? Which flowers does your mum like best? That kind of thing... or 2- They are a tool to draw out the knowledge, understanding and experiences of another person in a way that allows them to better understand themselves or their situation. Most of us can figure out the first type of questions easy enough but the second type is what a good friend will need to practice. This could be something like... "What is it about this relationship that makes you a better person?" "When you play piano like that, what does it mean to you?" "How do you think your natural teaching skills can benefit this organization that you're working with?" These types of questions are not for your information but almost exclusively for the other persons benefit.  I could do a whole blog on questions, I love this stuff!

Number 4
Don't assume your relationship will remain strong left unattended. Wow, this is one that constantly challenges me and I know I've lost some friendships through not understanding the importance of this. A friendship is just like any other living thing.... If you don't look after it and pay attention to it, it will die. Fact of life. 
Make an effort to text back. Write a note and leave it with their stuff. Make time to go out for dinner. All of those little things can mean the difference between life and death of a friendship or relationship. Some friendships survive for seasons solely on one persons initiative and sometimes that's okay but don't let it go on too long, start watering that thing too!

Number 5
Let each other grow and change. Your friendship might have been amazingly strong and valuable during high school or university or during a specific season.... but don't lock someone into staying that same person as you move forward in life. Allow them space to explore and become someone different as they move through experiences that are bound to shape both of you. Trust that your friendship will stay strong even as you have the courage to hold someone with loose hands

Number 6 
Champion your friend in what they're passionate about. Oh how amazing is it to have someone who is secure enough in themselves to build you up and champion you into what you were made for! Be that person who tells everyone how amazing your friend is in front of them... Be the embarrassing person who holds up a big sign in the music recital and makes everyone look at you... Be the person who calls later that night to tell your friend what an amazing job they did at organising an event. Whatever your friend is into, whatever dreams they are pursuing, be their biggest cheerleader! 

Number 7
Be willing to apologise. No matter how much you care about someone and want to be the best friend you can, sometimes you're gonna mess it up. Maybe you accidentally tell a secret they shared, maybe your music recital sign was a little too embarrassing and it put off their performance. Maybe you were tired and snapped about something that happened long ago, or maybe you just became too busy and forgot to be a friend for a while... Whatever it was, don't be too prideful to turn up at the house and say sorry. No text apologies! Are we still in high school people?? 
It might be that your friend needs a little more time to work through things until they will let you back in, and that's okay. Be sincere in your words, follow it with your actions and give them the time and space that they need.  

I thought this image captured an old friendship so well!

True Cost Part 2 - Extreme Makeover, Closet Edition

My last post took the rusty lid off the Pandora's box of fashion, exposing some of the deception, manipulation and tragedies behind our clothing, so if you haven't read that one yet, do that first, because this one is only meaningful in light of the huge problem. 

With this post I'm aiming to introduce a little hope into the equation... Not everyone is buying into this industry. For years there have been people questioning, fighting and getting a little creative as they wage war against this beast. I want to honor them and tell you what they've done as well as challenging you to think about what you could do.

Everybody needs to take responsibility for the garment workers, we live in a global world and we can do much better than this! We have an international trading system that is systemically dysfunctional, completely out of balance and needs to be addressed. I recognize however that the fashion industry changed very very quickly to be like this, and after a big change in any industry it takes a while to smell and feel the dirt that comes from something that is polluting...and now, we've come to the point where the danger cannot be denied and I have a lot of hope that things will begin to change.



Here are a few companies and people that have taken on the challenge, identified with the humanity of the garment workers and done something...

People Tree, a sustainable and fair trade fashion company that sells online all over the world. They source all of their material through organic means and work closely with their workers who they call partners. They start with the people and the skills they have and then design clothing from that space instead of the other way round. Check them out at http://www.peopletree.co.uk/ 

Larhea Pepper, a Texan cotton farmer who has changed her whole farm around in order to produce organic cotton. They have forsaken mass pesticide spraying and just spray the weeds by hand... This ensures that the land doesn't have excess pressure on it from the chemicals and the cotton produced is much healthier. Larhea made this change after her farming husband died from a cancer they believed came about from working too closely with dangerous pesticides for many years. 

Green Carpet Challenge, An initiative encouraging celebrities to take part in more mindful forms of fashion, using their high profiles to raise awareness. More information at http://eco-age.com/green-carpet-challenge/ 

Swallows, A fair trade fashion and development project based in Bangladesh. This is special because not only do they provide work for people in Bangladesh and a sustainable fashion option for consumers, but they also have a Swallows school in the area that gives education to 320 children. http://www.peopletree.co.uk/about-us/who-makes-our-products/swallows

Patagonia, a popular outdoor wear company that have begun taking responsibility for where their clothes come from and are asking questions that challenge their customers views on consumerism.

This is just a few of many groups taking action to improve the quality and integrity of the clothes we wear. But that's just what they've done, everyone will have a different response... For me, it makes sense that I no longer buy clothes from mainstream companies that haven't taken any responsibility for their part in the problem. I try firstly to not buy clothes if I don't have to, this is partially to fight the lie that says I need more all the time, and partly to not be a part of making more stuff. Buying second hand is always a great option too. There are lots of ethical options for clothes as well, for NZ unfortunately most of these will be online but that can be navigated. 

There's a lot of deeper reasons behind why we need to be responsible, why we need to take a stand... a lot of them depend on what your beliefs about God and the value of humanity is, both things I will touch on in the third and final part of this blog on clothing... But until then, ask yourself, what are some practical changes you could make that would, in some small part, join the war against greed and selfishness? What could you do that would be a small act of solidarity with millions of oppressed and desperate garment workers?